The burden of stress is only matched by my pain, to which I pray for a solution, but at days end it is I who must carry on, unwavering in my ability to handle such a load.
It has been far too long since I’ve compiled some random thoughts for you to read, perhaps for shortness of remark, or just for the sake of gathering it all together for something of substance, I do not know. I do feel as though it is for an entirely different reason all together, even if I cannot fully explain the feeling, but it seems as if my well had run dry for a while there, as it tends to do.
It is an empty feeling the likes of which cannot be rivaled to have a feeling of self-exhaustion and void, to a point that even thought of any artistic or creative value is gone with the proverbial wind. What is fitting though is that while I was in absence, my best friend decided to return from his. And even if only for a short period, his return always brings out the best of my articulate nature. His name is Phrack and a link to his MySpace is to the left, check it out when you can and read what he has written. Though I fear that once you’ve read his, mine might no longer be of interest.
Honestly, any thing else to write about and I would all but explode all over the place, and while the idea of seeing my wife’s face as she stumbles into a room covered in blood does excite even the most sadistic of my remaining brain cells, it does not bode well for me to be in millions of pieces right now. It is of course for the sake of Christmas and my daughter’s birthday shortly after that I say this, for without me the festivities would certainly be less grand. Nice to know how highly I see myself, isn’t it? ; )
But the importance of what has become important is no longer a subject of any significance, while the fantasies of what could be and likely never will be are invading the fortress of financial burden that has become my life. If only I could luck out and win the lottery, if only I could shit gold, then my troubles would lessen, break, and then change in a way that would allow me to be so profusely creative and free with my life that I would most certainly puke at the very realization of such a thing.
And now as reality returns to mind, I find that I am once again sitting in front of my computer after a hard days work to which I was not rewarded equally to match the effort. I am feeling some relief though, today I managed to pick up the Christmas cards we ordered, and I also received my new and much larger 2 gigabyte memory card for my new digital camera, I swear that thing can see aliens, or at the very least, it can see the satellites in space from my front door step.
I’ve only had it a week and already my wife is acting a bit jealous of it, as if she is ever awake or not at work when I play with it.
Oh well, I’ll conclude this rubbish with a brief acknowledgment of the coming nightmare, for it may be the last you hear from me before then. Have a Merry Christmas and get as drunk as you possibly can on New Years; I know I will certainly try.
